What does it take to get something you want?
My life is was messed up. It has been since that very first LOA I took when I was in second year college. You see my course in DLSU is just a 3 year and 2 terms course which meant I should’ve graduated around 2005. It’s now 2008 and I still haven’t graduated. I know I made a lot of mistakes in addition to me getting sick and having to take an extended leave which somehow never ended and I got lost in a never ending plight to get back to school and finish my course already. I had everything planned out for my life. I had planned that I will graduate on time, get a great job, start my own business, start a family and then live happily ever after. Imagine my despair and self-loathing after everything didn’t turn out the way I planned it. My fairy-tale dream had been shattered and for the first time in my life, I felt so worthless and vulnerable to everything.
I was lost and I have lost hope. No matter what I did, it always played back to having to leave school, get a leave and feel even more worthless, if that is even possible. You see like many people out there, I had pride. I was good in school back then and since life can give you so many things that will distract you from Him, I gave in and went along the flow. I thought I had nothing to lose. I did have everything I wanted and it seemed everything was going as planned. Then it happened. You know those scenes on television or in the movies where the sound of sinister doom suddenly starts playing? Where each second that passes by gives you that eerie and uncomfortable feeling that somethings gonna happen, and its gonna happen soon, in fact its just behind your back waiting for you to feel it and turn around to confirm that fact. Everything fell apart. I knew nothing would be the same and somehow I’m thankful it happened.
You see, if that hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t have met Jesus again. I wouldn’t be here posting about this at all because I would feel too ashamed of the mistakes that had happened in my life. When I finally lost everything and I didn’t have anywhere to run, that’s when I realized I still have one place to go. One place that was always there, waiting for me but the one place I had forgotten because I had gotten to caught up with everything about me. I have so many questions and I know there was only one place I can go and be able to cry my heart out and get the answers to what I was asking. The comfort I was looking for had always been in Jesus. I needed Him back in my life, in my heart and in my mind. Only then did I find the peace I was looking for. I am learning each day not to question why, I am learning to accept His will and I’ve found since then that I was making the wrong choices simply because it was not what was best for me, and it wasn’t what makes me really happy in my heart.
I’ve been blessed by God because I have finally realized that my heart is not in what I was taking. My heart has always been and will always be in cooking. I have failed to realize that all the years I’ve spent in the kitchen preparing meals for our family, taking charge of the Christmas and New Year menu, even cooking for all the birthday celebrations for each family member has been the best times in my life. My heart is set in the kitchen and in the dining room. Seeing each of my loved ones happy as we shared the meals I prepared and hearing the laughter and merriment brought upon this sharing, I realized I’ve had what I wanted in front of me all this time and I still failed to see it. I’m very thankful that now I finally understand why I never seem to finish what I had started in DLSU. My heart grew tired of what I had been taking because my heart wasn’t in it.
I have always wanted an oven. I asked Dad a couple of years ago to buy one for our home but he said he can’t. I understood, he had so many bills to pay and an oven can’t fit in the budget. A month ago, I started to feel how badly I wanted an oven because I knew I wanted to start baking. I told Him what I wanted and said to Him that I couldn’t ask Dad to buy one for me because he has so many things on his mind already with all the tuition fees for my younger siblings. During Mother’s Day we went around SM Appliance Center and I saw an electric oven that would be a little easier to get than a whole range one. I asked Him to help me get it if it was His will. I didn’t have enough cash on hand to get one but I suddenly had the urge to go shop for baking supplies and materials every now and then. Little by little my supplies stocked up and soon after I was able to buy an oven for cash, and I paid for it using the money I earned from several online games I was playing before. I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe my eyes when we got the oven home. It took some time before it finally dawned on me that I really had an oven.
After getting the oven, I have learned little by little how to make my own pizzas, cakes, cookies, cupcakes and bread. I read through baking magazines, online recipe archives as well as other baking blogs. When I finally save up enough funds to attend a formal culinary school. I always wanted to be a pastry chef, and I think I’m finally starting to realize this dream by taking this first step of learning. You can’t really learn baking if you don’t get your hands on the dough. I finally took the first dip and I know I’m ready to take the plunge. 
I know I still have a long way to go but I’m not really scared anymore. I know that He’s always there for me and everything has its own place and time. I’m not in a rush now and I’m trying to enjoy each baking session I do. Although I love cooking meals for the family, I love baking just as much. Our home now always have some cake, bread or cookie prepared to the point that they get tired of it. We don’t even order cake and pizza when we eat out because as my Mom puts it, “We’ve been having too much cake and pizza this past month. I can’t stand another cake or pizza even if its given to us for free.” So we pretty much send some of my baked goodies out to our neighbors so I can get more feedback on what to improve with regards to its taste and texture. Who knows, maybe I can bake for other people soon.
So what does it take to get something you want? Trust and faith in Him. At least for me.
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7 Responses to “What does it take to get something you want?”
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This is great!
God is AWESOME!
He always rewards our faith in Him.
It is great that you are able to finally do something you love. I too am still waiting for my stove and oven, until then I cook in my mom’s kitchen only and eat with them. One day I’ll get mine too!
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Nika Catbagan reply on July 3rd, 2008:
Yes He is.
Good luck with that oven. Remember the jingle for Pringles, “Once you pop you can’t stop”? That’s me and my oven. Its quite addicting.
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Dear Nika, For your own good, I would recommend you read the book “The Secret”. You will learn that by stating “My life is messed up” your life will be messed up alright. Whereas if you keep saying “My life is wonderful” bingo sooner your life would be wonderful!
It will also answer your question “What does it take to get something you want?
Good luck, good health, God Bless!
Thel
Florida U S A
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Nika Catbagan reply on July 3rd, 2008:
I’ve read it already Thel.
I blogged about it earlier too. Lol. It was a typo actually, I meant was not is. 
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dear nika, hugs to you! sometimes He works in different ways. am glad you discovered yourself thru Him again.
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Nika Catbagan reply on July 3rd, 2008:
Thanks te kengks. He does work in different ways. I’m just thankful that I finally found Him again. Things get rough, but I know He’s always there taking care of me.
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Praise God! He does sometimes work in mysterious ways, but not so mysterious that you don’t understand what He wants from you. The trials you went through (and still are going through) are His way of making you turn to Him and Him only.
Keep praying, keep growing closer to Him in everything that you do. Read His word. Trust in Him.
God bless you!
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