Finding my way back into…
Alright, the title sounds cheesy, but I love the song “Way Back Into Love”, and singing it awhile ago, I remembered I’ll be back on class this Monday. 
I’m both happy and sad. Happy since this means I will be able to get back on track, and hopefully finish the rest of my needed units till April, to be able to graduate on June. Sad since I don’t know much people anymore.
I’ve taken 3 consecutive leaves (so thats actually a year) after enrolling each term (and lasting a month then…boom.. I have to stop since the headaches start again), because I was suffering from what my neurologist said to be “cluster headaches”. It was terrible, and the medications I had to take made me so lethargic. I was given lots of relaxants to help ease the stress that was in part causing the headaches. It has been a very grueling experience and it saddens me a lot since I didn’t graduate on the date as everyone was expecting. It was hard to actually stay at home since I felt pretty much useless and tired, also I felt like I was a burden. Imagine, everyone was expecting that I will be graduating already and then I don’t. My aunt who helps in my tuition sent in money and it was wasted because I cannot get any refunds anymore after a month of classes has passed. Also the medicines had added extra expenses for my parents who have been struggling to send us all to school and still be able to keep us fed and alive.
I felt worthless, but I’m glad it happened. I learned many things while I was away from school. I was so stressed of school because everyone was expecting this and that, to the point that its all I think of and can’t even sleep at night. I’ve learned to not give in to what other people expect or want me to be. I can’t please everyone, and every time I try to, I just end up stressed because I have accepted too much obligations and responsibilities that what I can really handle. I like to multi-task, but I have found out that in doing so I risk my health and my life too.
This time when I go back to school, I’m taking everything a day at a time. I’ll finish eventually, and I’ll appreciate school more if I actually enjoyed my experiences rather than worry and stress over it. Hopefully once class starts, I’ll find my way back into loving college life and the experiences it brings me. Who knows I might even meet new friends and find something else too. 
Popularity: 10% [?]
Comments
12 Responses to “Finding my way back into…”
Leave a Reply
-
Join now!
Sorry to hear about the headaches
Charlie had something really similar and it was actually completely resolved (the symptoms anyway) by visiting a chiropracter. I don’t know if that is something you have ever tried but for what it is worth… it was much better than taking meds.
[Reply]
Hi! I wish you luck.
[Reply]
Nika, yes, take each day as it comes and yes, you will definitely make new friends.
Regardless what happens, never think yourself as a burden to anyone. Your parents are always there for you no matter what. This is what I always tell my children. I would rather bend backwards to help them achieve their goal/future.
I will pray that you will enjoy your uni life, be healed of your headaches and worry less, enjoy more! God bless you.
[Reply]
@Pootlecat: Oh, thank you for the info. I don’t know if we have chiropractors here but I will certainly ask around for one.
Thanks!
@Salve: Thank you.
@Judy: Thanks. Sometimes its hard being children, you get scared to ask because you know how much your parents are doing for you and your sisters already, but I learned that its alright to ask. If they can help they will, and if they cannot at the moment, they will try to find a way because they are there to help you just like their own parents.
Thank you for the prayers. 
[Reply]
hi nika,
i do have headache attacks too when i’m under stress. hubby prescribed me a very good medicine which is very mild but very effective. i can send you some if you like. no kidding.
[Reply]
@Beng: Hey.
Thanks for the offer pero nakakahiya naman. 
[Reply]
[...] Clay Pots and Wooden Spoons » Blog Archive » Finding my way back into… [...]
[...] Clay Pots and Wooden Spoons » Blog Archive » Finding my way back into… [...]
[...] Clay Pots and Wooden Spoons » Blog Archive » Finding my way back into… [...]
[...] actively posting lately because it helps in clearing and sharpening my mind. I’ve mentioned here about the 3 leave of absences I had before this term so my brain’s a bit rusty and needs [...]
[...] this post exists. You see, I am pretty much like them, those bound elephants. I have told about my one year leave story to some people but they don’t know the struggles that came with it. I am the only one left in [...]
mrs hubers weird
[Reply]