Are you just a Filipina?

By Nika Catbagan | Sep 1, 2007

What would you say if someone you are talking to suddenly blurts out, “You’re just a Filipina?”

Will you be able to answer?

Or will you just look and stare at them, feeling confused and shameful for being one?

I thought of it for awhile and I tried to think back on everything I learned from the endless classes since childhood, the speeches of prominent speakers in auditoriums, the news headlines on our local channels and even through the pages of books I’ve gone through in all the libraries I’ve spent my time in. I remembered and I cried.

If someone tells me right now, “You are just a Filipina?” I will look straight into that person’s eyes and answer,

“I am a great grandmother who through history suffered on the hands of different colonizers, who used me, abused me and even killed many of my fellowmen. They enslaved and raped me, but I stood strong and through all the pains and hardships brought to me by the wars I saw and went through, I endured everything. Through it all, I taught my children what my own grandmother taught me. I stood by my family and took care of them through thick and thin. I was there to guide them, and that I did.

I am a grandmother who learned from my mother. I felt her pain and suffering through her eyes and heart. Everyday I see her tormented by the wars she lived through. Fear and anguish filled her, and looking in her eyes you can see the past. The fires, the gunshots, the bolos, the screams and pleas of her fellowmen as they were used, abused and killed by the oppressors. I was a child back then, and I saw how she had stood strong, gathering the whole family together as we tried to survive the harrowing events taking place around us. She stood by our father, praying for his safety, reassuring and taking him in her arms when he got scared. I learned from her how to be both strong and loving, that amidst the troubles and the hardships, I must stand by my husband and family.

I am a mother, who listened to my mothers stories and learned from it. She showed me how to keep my family together through everything, that family always comes second (for God comes first), and that I must do everything for them. I have seen her sacrifices and now I understand how she was able to withstand everything, how she has been both strong and resilient, while being the loving and nurturing mother I know. Through her I understood what being a woman means and I understood my purpose. Through her I learned the importance of my family and what it stands for, as I follow her footsteps in keeping my family together no matter how hard life becomes.

I am my mother’s daughter. I did not live in her days, nor experience my grandmother’s and great grandmother’s war stories. However, just like them, I suffer my own different war. I live in a society and generation where I am criticized and looked down for what my other peers have been through. I have been generalized and stereotyped as a “woman seeking a foreign man for marriage and a better life” and have been berated for many wrongs which I did not do. Like my ancestors, I continue to fight and endure for it is in my blood. I am an empowered woman who comes from generations of women that struggled and sacrificed to achieve their dreams while keeping their families together.

I am a woman who has throughout my country’s history, transformed and fought for my rights and beliefs. I have sustained and survived the blows given to me back then, and will continue to do so. I am an epitome of resilience. No matter what difficulties I encounter and criticisms I receive, I continue to live life and aspire, leaving other people wondering what I have that they do not. I can laugh and sing amidst endless toils and responsibilities. My smile is not a façade, because through everything that goes wrong in life, I can see and sift through the sadness and find something worth smiling about.

It is painful and saddening that people all over the world have stereotyped me as a “woman seeking a foreign man for marriage and a better life”. With all the misconceptions about me and the mail order bride sites backing it up, it’s not hard for other people to believe that I am indeed all that. Amidst all the generalizations and stereotyping, I have started taking steps in informing the world that I am not just a woman who is looking to cash-in on a foreigner and his dollars.

Yes, I am just a Filipina and I am damn proud of it.”

 

This is my entry for the Filipina Writing Project. Please check it out, and join in the campaign. :)

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28 Comments so far
  1. AZRAEL September 2, 2007 1:18 am

    i enjoyed reading your entry. i felt a sense of pride as i remember my mother and grandmother, 2 of the best women i knew in my entire life. be proud of being a filipina. and be proud knowing that this piece will touch the soul of whoever reads it. bravo!

    [Reply]

  2. Nika Catbagan September 2, 2007 8:30 pm

    @AZRAEL, thank you for visiting and reading my entry. i hope other people who read it as well would be proud of their grandmothers, mothers and sisters and even their daughters.

    thank you once again. :)

    [Reply]

  3. chuvaness September 3, 2007 1:37 am

    naku Nika may winner na! heehehe. ikaw

    all the best to yah! i enjoyed your entry too. Inspiring. Touching. Damang dama ko yun pride ng pagiging dalagang Filipina.

    Naalala ko yung mga kaninununuan ko..pwamis. Honga no! Lalo na nung times nun war. I love it!

    Go! congrats to you!

    [Reply]

  4. Nika Catbagan September 3, 2007 1:51 am

    @chuvaness: Ui salamat sis. Sana nga pero ayos din lang kung hindi, at least kahit papano nakatulong sana yun entry sa campaign na maimprove yun results ng FILIPINA sa mga search engine. :) Haha, naalala ko kasi yun lola ko nun sinulat ko yun. Hehehe. :)

    [Reply]

  5. Ann September 3, 2007 10:15 am

    this is a great piece Nika. Whoever reads this will be so damn proud of their roots. It reminded me of my grandmother. Kinukwentuhan niya rin kasi kami about the wars and everything. And I’m really proud of her.

    this will be a sure winning piece :) goodluck Nika. Balitaan mo kami ok :)

    [Reply]

  6. Nika Catbagan September 3, 2007 1:10 pm

    @Ann: Thanks ah. :) Ang mga lola’s talaga dame kwento noh. Minsan iisipin mo hindi na totoo pero pag nabasa mo sa mga history books, mapapatigil ka pag nasa edad ka na. Kasi yun pag nagkwento sila, kahit bakas yun lungkot, nakahahanap pa din sila ng mga bagay na pedeng ngitian dun sa karanasan nila. Kahit gano kahirap yun pinagdaanan nila, nagagawa pa nilang maisip o maalala yun mga sobrang simpleng bagay pinalalampas lang naten minsan. :)

    [Reply]

  7. Judy September 4, 2007 2:25 am

    Hi Nika, great post. An awareness for anyone reading this to be proud of their roots indeed.

    Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Sick and busy.

    I have linked you. :) God bless.

    [Reply]

  8. kengkay September 4, 2007 3:05 pm

    your masterpiece made me more damn proud of being Pinay :-) great!

    [Reply]

  9. [...] Women’s Network Link to my entry: Are you just a Filipina? Stumble [...]

  10. Nika Catbagan September 7, 2007 4:59 pm

    (I’m quite late to reply to the comments but still. :P)
    @Judy: Thanks. :)

    @kengkay: Thanks :D

    [Reply]

  11. [...] Are you just a Filipina? [...]

  12. gwen September 12, 2007 5:33 pm

    talagang mabuhay ang filipina!

    [Reply]

  13. Nika Catbagan September 13, 2007 2:20 pm

    @gwen: salamat sa pagdalaw. aheheh. :)

    [Reply]

  14. [...] Are you just a Filipina? [...]

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  16. bingskee September 19, 2007 10:00 pm

    what a great tribute to the Filipino women. :-)

    if somebody ask me with that question, i would be at a loss, and would be offended. i could even lose my composure and give that person what he deserves. :-(

    no matter how grave the situation of some Filipinas in different parts of the world, no matter they are looked upon as one piece of nothing, i am a proud Filipina. Filipino women have proven their worth in a lot of aspects. they are not JUST FILIPINAS.

    [Reply]

  17. bingskee September 19, 2007 10:01 pm

    erratum: no matter how they are looked upon as one piece of nothing..

    [Reply]

  18. Janette Toral October 16, 2007 9:42 pm

    Hello. Thank you for supporting the Filipina Writing Project. I also encourage you to create an audio version of your entry and we can include it in our Filipina Writing Project Podcast at http://filipina.podbean.com

    Thank you!

    [Reply]

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  23. Sarang November 12, 2007 9:56 pm

    Hi, Nika!

    Wow thanks for reminding me about how I should be proud of being a Filipina. I’m so lucky to read your article. I’ll be looking forward to reading your future posts. It feels good to find a company who value feminity and being a Filipina as well.

    [Reply]

  24. [...] improve the search engine results of the word Filipina. I joined the contest with my entry, “Are you just a Filipina“, because I believe that the project’s cause was beneficial not only to the searchers [...]

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